Tuesday, January 22, 2008

Some days, a sob story


She is 18...sometimes the reality of that hits me as if I have been punched in the stomach... and brings tears in the same way. Other times, I am fully aware, and can sort of deal with it. Days like today, I just look at her...REALLY look. at. her and wonder. Where have all of the years gone? How could 18 YEARS have passed by so quickly? What was I doing while those years evaporated away? Was I a good mother? Was her childhood everything it could have been? Have I taught her to value herself so much that she will look for a boy, a man who will cherish her? What path will she take in her life? Where will it lead her?
I have so many questions spinning around in my brain that it almost makes me dizzy...some days. I always imagined that it got easier with each birthday as if somehow the years would miraculously add knowledge to my parenting. The bold face truth is that I have been doing the best I could, fully recognizing that I could have done better. I will continue on with this fact, hoping for the best in the years to come...hoping that I can hold on to her for just a little bit longer.
My baby girl is 18. Just wait...one day you might need a tissue too.

3 comments:

natalie said...

I'm sobbing into my tissue right now...an emotional night and now this post??? Your daughter is PERFECT. She's exactly the way she is meant to be and I adore her (and her mother). You have done an excellent job. I love you...

Golightly said...

Welcome to blog world! Natalie sent me over to say hello. I've been blogging since August - so not long.

So have fun! And rejoice in that beautiful daughter of yours! She is gorgeous.

Arizaphale said...

Too late. I'm off for a box of tissues now. And don't believe for a moment that she isn't going to need you a WHOLE lot longer.