My Grandson

It's a BOY!

The daughter will have a son in February, and my heart is already bursting with grandmotherly love.

18 years ago

It was a Saturday on this very day 18 years ago- a lovely day with perfect weather, though not as cold as I would have liked. Because we live in the south, the winter weather sometimes does not cooperate, and it feels more like spring. If you live somewhere with huge snowfalls and below freezing temperatures, you might wonder why I would wish for colder weather, but to me December should be winter really, and I love cold weather...so naturally, I was hoping for cold.

I was not nervous in the least....which if you know me, is unlikely at best. I worry about everything, and get nervous just thinking about things. But, the sun was shining down upon us, and I felt like this day was meant to be. Everything was planned perfectly, and I was finally ready to marry the man of my dreams.

Thinking back on that day now, I realize how young and foolish I was...I realize how much I did not know...I realize no one could have prepared me for what was going to happen to us in the 18 years to come. No matter what though, I would not change a thing. I would do it all over again!

It is shocking to me that we have been married for 18 years...I have wondered so many times in this space where all of that time has gone...usually concerning our daughter and how fast she has grown up, but the realization that we have fallen asleep next to one another for almost the last 20 years is stunning...so many people are not fortunate enough to stay married for too long, so I feel blessed that we are still together...that he still loves me in spite of so much...that we have loved, laughed, forgiven, and created together for 18 years...

This anniversary has not been like I envisioned it...we are dealing with the husband's stomach virus, a sick cat, band practice for a New Year's gig, and the lethargy that comes after too little sleep because of all of the above...regardless, as I am typing this, I can hear the riffs of the bass and the beating of the drums from the band room, my heart swells with pride for the man I love and have loved for so much of my life...he makes me swoon. I pray that we enjoy another 18 years together or more!

The beginning of our official family: December 29, 1990.

May you be blessed with love and happiness for the upcoming new year!

This Time Last Year

"Thanks for this weekend," he said.

The husband. He was off this entire weekend...an unusual occurance lately since he's been working 6 days a week of 12 hour shifts! We have spent this weekend chatting, snuggling, watching movies, running errands, snuggling some more, and enjoying meals together. Not a particularly exciting weekend for some people, but a time of togetherness for us none the less. He wanted to surprise me by being off 3 days in a row, since my birthday was last Tuesday and I was sick. Sometimes, he can be so sweet. I so completely love this man. I have blogged about my love for him before here...

We realized at some point this weekend what we were doing this time last year.

Before I tell you about that, I will explain the above photo. This was taken of my father, me, and the husband at the Pananma Canal some time during the week of August 4-11, 2007. We went on a week long cruise to Costa Rica, Mexico, and Panama with 20 other family members! We had such a wonderful time...exploring places we had never seen before, enjoying our family, laughing and playing on board the ship... The most surprising thing about the whole trip really is just how rare it was... a-once-in-a-lifetime trip...so rare that I would be able to take off work for the very first week of school (something I will NEVER do again) and for the husband to take an entire week off from the hospital! Remarkably rare! We were just so fortunate to be together on such a fabulous trip!

Nine months before this trip (in December) the husband had brain surgery to remove a softball size benign meningioma. This surgery was shocking, and at best one of the toughest things we'd ever been through! To hear that your husband has a softball size brain tumor and that his brain has shifted causing personality changes- I can not say how scary that all was! He came through the surgery just fine, had a remarkable recovery, and we were just so thankful to God that it was all over. This was actually one of the deciding factors for us when we finally made the decision to go on the cruise. Taking that much time off from work was not an easy task for either of us, but we realized how short life can be, and it is not all about work all the time!

Little did we know that after the cruise and less than a month later, we would both be off from work again, but this time for totally different reasons. In September of 2007, the husband had a follow-up appointment to see how his brain was doing. (He can not have an MRI, since he has a defibrillator for a rare heart condition that was discovered in 2006.) So, when he went in for his CT scan, they discovered that he had another golf ball size tumor in exactly the same place...the nightmare was reoccurring! Still benign...still needed to be removed. We were told the first time that this kind of tumor is very slow growing, but how it grew back this fast was a mystery to all of us.

So, this time last year, I was watching the husband go through literal hell once again. The second time was so much more difficult for him- more pain, more swelling, more bruising, more weakness...just all around more difficult. He stayed one entire day and night in ICU just after the surgery, and then they sent him home. (I know. That's what I thought too. WAY too soon!) I am not a nurse. How was I going to be able to take care of him? I really needed to get back to work. So far, in six weeks of school, I had missed two and a half of them! I did the best I could...scheduling people that I love to come and check on him, make him lunch, and keep him busy during the day...and make him rest from time to time until I could get home from work. He also experienced some depression during this time, and that was a very tough thing to see. This man, one of the strongest men I know, was weak, sickly, slow, and so very fragile. He was missing so much work, after missing so much work so recently for other surgeries and the cruise...he actually lost half of his pay for awhile since he had not had time to build his sick leave back up...and we began having serious financial difficulties from which we have yet to completely recover.

One year later...we realize how blessed we are...God took care of us...everyone prayed for us, and the entire situation left us completely aware how much the hand of God is on our lives. Though I often do not deserve it, He takes care of me and loves me in spite of my many faults. As I look back at that time, I know that prayers of many sustained us. I did not fall apart. I was not sick with worry. I felt an unusual peace...the kind of peace that can only come from God. He has carried us through some of the most difficult things, and for this I will be eternally thankful.

One year later, the husband is strong and healthy once again. His scar has healed. His memory has returned. His personality is back to normal (if it ever really was normal to begin with!) He is kinder and more tender to me. He is the man I love...the one that shares my home, my bed, my heart. I thank God for him. I know things could have turned out differently, and when I look at him now, I realize how truly blessed I am...

Such a difference one year can make.

Right now, I am going to go climb back into bed to snuggle the man that I love once again...and continue the togetherness of our weekend. I hope you are having a wonderful weekend too! Until next time, I wish you much laughter, love, happiness and many, many blessings.

Old Photo Friday: The Cadence of Us

(Circa 1980 something)

19 years we have shared together...and more to come.

This man is amazing. He does the laundry, even the ironing. He puts up with all of my crap, my issues, my enormous rear end, and so rarely complains. He makes me laugh. He supports me when I cry. He loves me unconditionally, in spite of so much. He works harder than anyone I know. He has so many talents that make me proud.

When I look at this old photo, my favorite from around the time when we first met, I see our carefree days of youth when we only thought things were complicated. Back then, the biggest thing we really had to face was an unplanned pregnancy...that turned out to be our greatest gift! Life was so much easier back then...little did we know!

God has blessed us with so much, and I realize daily that I do not deserve any of it. The blood of Jesus covers me...I am whole and forgiven because of it, but I sometimes struggle with the realization that God loves me that much!

This man, the one that I love, in the last three years has endured unbelievable things... a heart surgery for an extemely rare condition, brain surgery to remove a softball size tumor, a second surgery nine months later to remove the golf ball size tumor that grew back in the same place. Through all of this, this man has remained strong, confident, capable, filled with faith and love. He is my miracle. I love him more than I could ever fully express.

This past summer, while working on my master's degree, in my poetry class, I wrote a poem for this man. I will share it with you as a lame attempt for you to catch a glimpse of how much I love and appeciate what we have.

The Cadence of Us
For A.

Your hand brushes against my bare shoulder
Skee be de bop
I feel your fingers playing on the base of my neck
Shoo be do bee
Your embrace is electric
Skee be de bop bop bop
I lean in closer
Shoo be do bee wop bop
Your hand guides my chin up close to yours
Skee be de bop bop bop oodlee aw wop
Our eager lips meet
Shoo be do bee wop bop bop oodlee oodlee
Ah!
July 2007

I hope you are able to snuggle up with a special someone this weekend and make some jazz!