Wednesday, January 6, 2010 peace

Just returned from the hospital...a late night visit with the daughter after an all day / night visit.
I am completely wired.
I should be sleeping...
Neither one of us got much sleep last night when I spent the night with her there.
I am going to work in a few short hours.

As I drove home on the empty streets between the hospital and our home, I felt this overwhelming sense of peace, a familiar feeling kind of. If you know me at all, you would know that typically, I am someone who worries about everything. (I get that honest, from my mother.)

But over the last several years, God has NOT abandoned me even though He should have.
My husband has been through major heart surgery for a rare heart condition, surgery to remove a benign brain tumor, and another surgery less than a year later to remove another benign brain tumor in almost exactly the same spot. Through it all, I felt the prayers of our friends and family surround me like the very arms of my God Himself...(I had only one tiny breakdown thankfully with Sallee, my very best friend in the whole wide world, who knew just what to do) but through it all, I felt an almost eerie sense of peace...I've heard it spoken of- that peace that passes all understanding. I felt it. I did not worry. I rested in the fact that I KNEW God was taking care of us, of my husband, and He would not let anything happen to him. It perplexed me like nothing see, no to feel, prayers working so was such an overhwelming experience.

However, I am not a faithful daughter. I rarely go to church. If I am honest, I never read the Bible. I have long abandoned listening to Christian music for the most part. I pray, but sporadically at best. I claim to be His child...but I know I would never be so distant with my earthly father. Why is He so faithful to me? I do have a heart that longs for Him. I am His daughter, but I allow the things of this world to busy my head and my heart.

Still, like tonight, on the silent, empty streets on my way home to an empty house...He is with me. He is with my child...protecting her and her unborn baby, Eli.

Precious, Holy Father,
Forgive me.
Know the cries of my I long to be close to you.
Know that I believe with all of my heart in You and thank You for Your mercy, grace, forgiveness, and love.
Thank you for the debt You paid for MY that I could be clean and free.
I know I do not deserve it, but still You are faithful.
PLEASE be with Aubrey and Eli. Protect them and keep them safe.
Thank you for sending me family and friends that know You, that pray for us...
Thank you for this peace.


Arizaphale said...

I know exactly how you feel about being unworthy. We are all on a journey with God and sometimes we forget that he's right there beside us when the road is easy and we're occupied with the world. How gracious he is to continue to bless us regardless. Praise God for that sense of peace.Beautiful post.

natalie said...

You make me cry.

We miss the daughter so much and can't wait to see her again. To think that when we see her, she'll be a mother and we'll get to hug Eli, too! WOW!

Love you.

sallie said...

He is faithful even when we are not. I know THAT only too well. Even when I don't understand outcomes...even when I hurt, even when I am disobedient...He is there. Remember, A., He is a parent to us...and even though we are often disappointed, hurt, confused, irritated, with our own children...even though they hurt, or we have to discipline them...WE love them and are with them NONETHELESS. Luke 11:13 "If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to those who ask Him?" Ok, well I do not mean you are know what I mean...but this verse makes sense to me. My hope for this year? "Begin AGAIN in 2010" (how MANY times have I began again?? well...YOU my most excellent, effective know the answer to that...) I am again and will begin again. Elijah...a of the greats...a good name.
Sorry I think I am rambling...but I think you can follow it. Much love.

Arizaphale said...

Andi! How did everything go???????